all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Vodka?
Forever.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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