I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm at about main and main street
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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