He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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