marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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