I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
