she was so not down for the gang bang
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
