There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
