I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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