Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
