You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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