I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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