Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
