Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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