Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
