Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We talked him into tasing himself.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
