I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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