apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
