How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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