Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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