He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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