Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
