Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
