Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
