okay pat passed out under dana's car
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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