grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
