worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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