you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
