tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
