After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
