In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's just like the Real World with babies
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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