My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
