just survived the first fart of the relationship.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
