I am full of burrito and curiosity
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
