One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
