Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
