so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
