I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i came on her dog
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
