I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
