my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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