I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
