You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
