there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
