i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
