ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
