I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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