apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
