Barsexuality is the new black.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
