Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
