I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
