did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
