Life is so much better after having sex.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
