remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
