turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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