why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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