Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
