At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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