It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
